and a short story

It's all true, isn't it she said.
Every word he said of course he was joking
Or inflecting like he was joking only really yes it was true it was all true
I'm serious she said
No of course it's not true he said how could it be what do you think of me what do you think of me what do you think of me
These last repetitions he said in his head, it's what he'd have liked to have said
You are all deceit she said every breath of you. Look. I love you. She said. But.
When will you be honest with me?

Never.
I think.
He said.

Why can't you be she said.
I don't know. But it's impossible. Sometimes I make up conversations in my head where I tell you everything
every
little
thing
everything that courses round me
and you listen, it's lovely like that you listen and you enfold me in your arms and whisper in my ear and you kiss me gently and possibly
you understand
but that's just in my head

in the real world I know
I would never see you again

how can you know she said

I can

but even if I didn't
It's not worth the risk he said

And if I did and it was ok and everything wouldn't the risk be worth it - for the benefit she said
And he started crying
gently
because he knew that even this was in his head...

And she wouldn't even ask him about it
wouldn't come close because he knew
she'd forgotten
near everything. had more important things now. had filed him away
had mislaid his secrets