Instructions for...

by Elisa Sottto

  1. Take off the lid.
  2. If the best before is a palindrome You must call the nuns, otherwise drool is going to start coming out of your mouth
  3. Make sure it has a posh brand
  4. Scoop the sticky contents out
  5. Fill up a glass with it
  6. Cover the glass with silver foil
  7. Count your scars and bruises while the contents are getting softer
  8. Get the cutlery from the drawer
  9. Hang the glass on a hook for 10 minutes
  10. Take off the silver foil
  11. If you can see an even number inside you can start using it
  12. If the number is odd, you must drizzle oil on it and taste one little drop.
  13. If you cannot see things other than coloured stripes pour it into a puddle and you will be able to see the rainbow
  14. If none of these things happen please continue reading

You are bland. This is due in part to your clothing style. Check your scarf, your ear muffs, your slippers and your cleavage shirts. You will notice that they are boring. Furthermore you are not ticklish at all. But above all, what makes you bland is your denial of singing lullabies.

The solution is clear but not easy: You must find somebody to get off with, but you have to choose one person that melts you with his or her gaze. If you are not sure, run the risk and hand in your heart to her or him. The deadline for finding this person is unclear but has to be before the content of the glass goes off.

If you achieve this challenge you must spit 3 times after a big yawn. Later you must swallow 3 spoons of the contents of the glass and burp 2 times.

After this you will gain weight but donīt worry.

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